


calling out to you

by onefootonego (startingXI)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-14 17:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16044977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startingXI/pseuds/onefootonego
Summary: reverse engineering an abduction is not how you thought your night would go. you were expecting to spend the night curled on the couch with maggie, watching booklyn nine-nine and dozing between checking on kara. instead, you're standing in lucy’s office, face to face with a whiteboard currently holding all the trackable, checkable details associated with orchestrating a kidnapping.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Racethewind_10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Racethewind_10/gifts).



kara is quiet over the course of the car ride to your apartment. she is curled on the backseat next to you, her knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around her shins. 

she looks so small. 

her gaze is fixed out the window, her forehead pressed against the glass. you know the thoughts that are threatening to overwhelm her, and you know that at this moment there is nothing you can do to combat them. all you can do is keep her close.

you share a look with maggie through the rear-view mirror. you know she’s worried, can see it in her furrowed brows and the way she’s got her foot nearly glued to the gas pedal. you love her all the more for this, for driving you both home, for the silence conversation that can be had 

_’please stay.’_ is all you can think, 

and 

_of course.'_ is what you get in return accompanied by a soft smile that soothes you. 

you wish you could do the same for kara, kara who is at the present powerless and shaking. the world is a scarier place than she needs right now and all you want to do is bring her home. you want to bring her to your apartment and keep the curtains pulled across the wall of windows. you want to curl up on the couch with her and watch Disney movies and make sure she eats and make sure she sleeps and sleeps and 

“alex?” kara asks, her voice breaking the low threads of music coming from the radio. 

“hm?” you reply, turning to look at her and seeing tears in her eyes. 

“i think i’m going to be sick," she says and there's a grimace that flickers across her face a moment before she buries her head in her arms. 

you bring a hand to the back of her neck, stroking there gently “we’re almost home.” you murmur, keeping your voice low “okay?” 

kara nods, she leans into you and there’s a shudder of her shoulders that tells you she’s trying desperately hard not to cry. 

you pull her closer into you and say nothing. you’ve learned that there are no words that can help soothe kara in these moments. your sister has taken the weight of the world onto her shoulders, holds herself accountable for the safety of national city and even now, years on, she is still struggling to free herself from that all-encompassing responsibility she adopted. 

she knows she can’t save everyone, but that doesn’t mean she won’t mourn each person that she fails. 

"we're home." you murmur, as the engine cuts, "think you can make it upstairs?” 

there are times when kara can’t, where she prefers to stay settled in the car, pressed against your side or curled with her head in your lap until she feels like she can make it upstairs of her own volition. 

tonight kara nods and as maggie opens the door for you, you watch as kara unfurls herself. bit by bit you see her wince and you see the bruising across her neck, across the small of her back. it’s damage you’re not used to seeing. damage you’re not sure you’ll ever be used to seeing. 

after all, kara is your little sister and seeing her hurt, seeing her hurting triggers a special sort of instinct. one that even with the life you lead and the choices you've made to protect her is still raw and present and coursing through your veins. 

by the time you make it the apartment, with maggie moving ahead of you already pulling curtains across and god, 

can you be any more in love? 

you’re not sure you can. especially when kara all but collapses onto your couch and you’re making a beeline for the kitchen when maggie catches you. she wraps an arm around your waist, pressing a kiss to your shoulder murmuring 

“i’ve got this, go sit with kara.” 

you kiss her because tears are welling up and kissing her is all you can think to do at that moment to show her, tell her, how much you appreciate and love everything about her. 

you will find the words later.

for now, you move back to the couch, you sink down next to kara and ask “do you still feel sick?” 

she shakes her head, her hand reaches out for yours. 

“let’s get you changed.” you murmur, taking her hand “you’ll be more comfortable.” 

her suit, in tatters, was delivered to winn’s office for repairs. you had found some of kara’s emergency clothes hiding in your locker, but they’re stiff and scruffy now. you know that stored in a drawer under your bed is a selection of much softer, much more comfortable clothes. 

“do you have the blue pair?” kara asks quietly. 

"of course," you reply, just as softly.

“okay then.” kara nods, unfurling her hand from yours and moving to stand. 

she wavers on her feet and you can’t help but wonder if kara should have spent a night under the sun lamp. you’re not sure you could have convinced her to stay. since the moment you’d gotten to her, out there in the desert, kara had been asking to go home. 

it is only now, hours later, that you have been able to get her here. 

you’re still clad in tactical gear. there is sand in your boots and there’s dried blood across a rip in your pants and, 

none of it matters. 

not right now. right now you care about getting kara settled. 

“i think,” she says quietly “i just want to sleep.” 

which you understand, but  
“can you eat something first?” 

you watch as kara peers over the back of the couch over at maggie “are you making grilled cheese?” she asks carefully. 

“sure am, little danvers.” maggie replies, picking the pan up and uses momentum to flip the sandwich “you want anything else with it?” 

kara shakes her head, “has someone fed streaky?” she asks “i didn’t-, he, you know…” she trails off. 

“i’ll make sure it gets done," you promise, streaky doesn't like you anyway and maybe this could curry you some favour. 

“thank you.” kara nods, moving quietly away from you towards your bed and the pajamas it holds. 

she moves slowly and you know she won’t be awake for much longer, there’s a toll on her body in this state. too many adjustments and not enough energy. 

you understand some of that feeling. 

the bathroom door shuts as kara disappears inside, leaving you to wander over to maggie. she plates the grilled cheese and sets it aside, turning to you “hey gorgeous.” she says softly, her hand trailing down along your spine “you okay?” 

you face her fully, letting maggie envelope you. you close your eyes, taking a breath “yeah.” you say “just,” you nod in kara’s direction “once she’s settled…” you don’t have to finish the sentence, maggie knows. 

“i can go feed the cat.” maggie says, “let you rest.” 

you shake your head “you’ve been at work all day.” you remind her “the ride over will do me some good.” 

“you going on your bike?” 

you nod, you need the speed, the control, the adrenaline. 

“be safe.” maggie says, kissing you gently, her hand's feather light and firm all in the same motion. 

“i’m not leaving yet," you say, hearing the bathroom door open and seeing kara emerge. 

she’s got her clothes folded neatly, she sets them down on the floor by your bed. you watch her seem to collapse onto, into, the bed. she moves slowly up until she’s laid out on what is usually your side of the bed. 

“is this okay?” she asks quietly. 

kara asks that question more often now, now that maggie is in your life. now that your space is someone else's space as well.

you take the plate in one hand and walk over to the bed “it is if you drink a gatorade while i’m gone.” you say, setting a blue one down next to the plate. 

“deal.” kara yawns "you're a good big sister," she says. 

you smile, kissing her forehead “i’ll be back soon.” you say “maggie’s here in the meantime.”  
“she’s a good sister too.” kara murmurs, loud enough for maggie to hear. 

you kiss kara’s forehead again and then move away. your helmet and keys are by the door, and with a kiss from maggie, you head out. 

*

kara’s apartment is dark, save for the corner lamp that illuminates streaky’s preferred sleeping corner – the one that happens to coincide with kara’s corner of the couch. he’s there now, looking over at you with about as much joy as one looks at burnt toast. 

“sorry,” you apologise to him “not who you wanted to come home.” 

he doesn’t get up. 

at the same time, he hasn’t hissed at you yet so, 

win? 

you’re not sure. 

kara keeps streaky’s food in the cabinet to the left of the fridge and by the time you’ve retrieved a can of wet food, streaky seems to have sussed out what you’re up to. 

he’s made his way over to the counter by you and is now sitting, staring. 

it’s unnerving. 

“you better like this,” you look down at the label “duck and pheasant?” you say sceptically “with wholesome superfoods?" you look over at streaky "you live the high life," you tell him.

like he doesn’t already know. 

he follows you to his dish, appraising your every move and so to fill the silence, you update streaky on kara’s location.

“she’s just staying at mine.” you explain “she’s had a bad day at work.” 

he meows and you’re not sure if that’s a _’hurry up and feed me’_ or a _’is kara okay’_ sort of meow, 

so you work on the former and explain the latter. 

“she’’ll be okay," you reassure him. 

not that a maine coon cat the size of small bear needs reassurance but, you think he’d like to know that kara’s going to be okay and he’s not going to be stuck with you forever. 

“it’s just work,” you explain “well,” you shrug “it’s not work but it’s,” you shrug again “you know what it is.” 

he looks at you, blinks once, slowly. 

you blink back, remembering kara explaining that apparently, this is the cat version of a trust fall. 

he gives no reaction, but ducks his head and starts eating. 

“i have to go back.” you explain “i’d bring you but you’d hate my bike. so, i’ll be back tomorrow, or kara will.” 

you check his water, refill it and move for the door. streaky has resumed his position on the couch, curled up, 

seemingly content. 

you head out and on the stairs, you send a message to maggie telling her you’ve fed the cat and are on your way back. you thought you’d get a reply before you got back on your bike, but when none comes you’re not worried. 

you enjoy riding through the city at night. there’s something about the lights and the way the pulse of the place seems to slow right down. there are people out and about, laughing and talking. normal people who lead far more normal lives. 

you speed past them, wanting to be home. wanting to be changed. wanting to be curled up with maggie on the couch watching netflix with the volume on low. 

you’re practically aching for it now. 

so much so that you don’t quite run up the stairs to your apartment, but you do move quicker than you would if the apartment was empty. you miss the signs, so focused are you on getting home. you miss scuff marks and a cracked glass window in the door from the underground parking lot. 

you miss blood on the floor. 

you miss it all until the moment you exit the stairwell and see your apartment door open, a rectangle of light cast into the hallway. there’s no reason for it to be open like that. 

your hand goes to your hip, for the gun you don’t have. 

your heart is in your mouth and you still, listening carefully for any sounds. 

you hear none. 

for half a second, as you approach your apartment you consider that maybe maggie has just gone to take out the trash. 

that thought is gone as soon as you enter your apartment. 

it looks exactly the same as you left it, expect that maggie and kara are gone. 

you step inside carefully, see the empty bed, a half eaten grilled cheese on the bedside table and a gatorade spilt across the floor. you see maggie’s keys on the hook by the door. 

the bathroom door is open, the light off. 

the curtains are still pulled across. 

there are no signs, no clues just – 

you see the blood on the sofa and it makes your blood run cold. you think of maggie, you think of how that’s maggies blood. how maggie’s bleeding and if she’s bleeding that much she could be hurt and if she’s hurt she could be – 

you stop the thought there. 

you reach for your phone with a shaking hand. 

lucy is the director on call tonight. 

she’s answered before the phone rings once _”bit late isn’t it danvers?”_ she asks, a smile in her voice. 

you swallow hard “lucy.” you start, the control you usually have in situations like this is gone because it’s kara. it’s maggie. it’s maggie and kara and they’re gone and they’re hurt and “something’s happened.” you say, they’re the only words that work ”something’s happened and maggie and kara are gone and there’s blood and,” you take a deep, shuddering breath that ends in a choking sound ”i don’t know who took them. i don’t know how they did it. i don’t-“

 _”danvers.”_ lucy cuts in _”danvers slow down.”_

“lucy i can’t. they’re gone.” 

_”i’m on my way over.”_ lucy says _”vasquez is closer so they’ll be there before me. don’t touch anything.”_ a pause _”we’ll find them.”_ she says _”okay? we’ll find them.”_

“yeah.” is all you can say, 

you believe it, you have to, but you’re looking at the gun safe maggie keeps by the front door. the one that’s been untouched since before you left to feed streaky. 

it makes no sense. 

none of this makes sense. 

no signs of a fight, no signs of a struggle. no signs of anything. 

just the blood. 

*

the next three hours are a blur. 

you register the arrival of vasquez, of lucy, of j’onn and only then does lucy step back, does lucy guide you into the hall, away from the noise and the people and the blood. 

“alex, look at me.” she says “when was the last time you ate?” 

you shrug “luce, i don’t know.” 

“drank anything? slept?” 

you shake your head “those things don’t matter.” you say “that’s not important.” 

“you’re focusing on maggie and kara.” lucy says “everyone in there,” she gestures to your apartment “is focusing on maggie and kara.” she continues “but i’m focusing on you.” there’s an air of finality in her voice “when was the last time you ate anything?” 

you cast your mind back “before the op.” you say “i had a cliff bar.” 

lucy nods “if i get some food brought here for you, will you eat it.” 

“you’re going to get take out at a time like this?” 

lucy shakes her head “i’m going to get someone to buy you a sandwich from the corner store and some cranberry juice. and you’re going to eat it.” 

you can’t fight lucy on this, not right now.

so you relent. 

then the ncpd shows up. 

the deo is taking lead of the case but the ncpd has a different set of resources that are of use in a situation like this. you see a detective that you recognize, joel, and he’s the first of the ncpd to come over to you, to ask 

“how are you doing?” instead of _’what happened?’_

you are exhausted. your little sister is missing. your fiancé is missing. there are no leads on either of them and 

“i’ve had better days.” you say quietly “much, much better days.” 

“i bet you have.” joel agrees “but, we’re gonna find them, okay?” 

that’s what everyone has been saying, there’s been a constant stream of reassurances but as far as you know, 

there’s no evidence. there’s no leads. there’s nothing to tell you where maggie and kara are. there’s even less evidence of who took them. or why. 

the lack of answers leaves you nervous. 

it leaves you pacing. 

you want to _do_ something, but right now there’s nothing – 

a phone rings. 

it takes you long seconds to realise it’s your phone. no one else in the apartment seems to notice, but lucy’s watching as you pull the phone out of your pocket. 

maggie’s name is emblazoned on the screen. 

you look up at lucy, and somehow she knows before you say anything. 

"answer it," she says quickly.

you swipe, bringing the phone to your ear 

“hello?” you say, brain shifting, body shifting into work mode “mags, you there?” 

_”i’m afraid not.”_ a neutral, threatening voice replies _”she’s a little bit occupied.”_ the phrase is ominous and trips in you a white-hot rage.

“who is this?” you demand. 

_”oh we’ve already met, agent danvers. recently in fact.”_ the same genderless voice is on the other end of the line.

“what’s your name?” you push, and silence has fallen in the apartment. 

_”that’s not important.”_ the voice continues _”what matters is the choice you have to make.”_

“a choice?” you don’t like where this is going “what do you want me to choose?” 

_”i want you to choose who lives,”_ the voice says and you swear you can hear a smile _”and who dies.”_

__“let me speak to them.” you insist._ _

___”oh not this time.”_ the voice says _”i want you to think, and i want you to tell me, agent danvers, who will live and who will die. your sister? or your detective?”__ _

___your stomach drops._ _ _

___the line goes dead._ _ _

___you’re going to be sick._ _ _

___“alex,” lucy says carefully, reading the expression on your face “alex what did they say?”_ _ _

___you swallow hard and look away from lucy, away from anyone “i’m going to have to pick.” you tell her, voice shaking “i have to pick one of them to live.” you can’t say it, you can’t say it, you can’t “and one of them to die.”_ _ _


	2. ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> on the screen, there is a movement, a scuffle. it's hard to make out with the useless angle of the camera but there's a flurry of movement and then – 
> 
> kara.
> 
> she’s running, trying to run and for a moment she’s fully in the frame. you can see her, eyes wide and terrified. you see her putting a hand against the brick wall to stabalize herself but,
> 
> two black-clad figures step forward, grabbing her, hauling her back.

you are in the deo’s desert headquarters. around you, the building is alive with activity. while the kidnapping of a depowered supergirl and a ncpd detective are the primary focus there are at least two other missions on going at the moment.

standing in the middle of it all, you feel powerless to a degree that only serves to infuriate you further. you are helpless. sure you can wrack your brain trying to pick out one of the many enemies you have inevitably gathered to pin this to. of course, then there are [G39] maggie’s case files from work detailing enemies that she may have.

there are too many names, too many possibilities and not enough answers. not even j’onn, with his telepathy, has been able to get a read on maggie’s location.

which only serves to scare you further.

it’s a fear that has been pushed down, shoved into a tiny box to be dealt with at a later date because right now you are angry. you are angry and worried and you want a name. you want a person to blame, a figure head to –

you spin around

“lord.” you say to lucy at once “maxwell fucking lord. he has the resources to pull this off.”

“we can look into him.” lucy says “but he’s in beijing at moment. has been for the last three weeks.”

“so?” you push “that doesn’t mean he can’t have orchestrated this.”

“but does it make sense?” lucy asks “what’s his motive?”

“to be a prick? to take kara?”

“okay, sure so lord has a weird thing for you and has terrible intentions for kara if he were to get his hands on her, but,” lucy says, tapping the com in her ear to mute it “why bring up the whole, kill one of them aspect? that doesn’t make sense.”

“it’s a distraction.” you press “to stop us from finding where he’s keeping them.”

“it doesn’t fit.” lucy says.

“bullshit.” you fire back “bullshit it doesn’t fit.”

there’s a lull in the activity around the command centre and you realise just how loud your outburst was.

“let’s go to my office.” lucy says, her hand coming to your elbow “okay?”

you do not fight her. you can’t, not when people are quickly getting back to work and you’re feeling ever more helpless as time ticks on.

lucy’s office is quiet. with the door shut you turn to face her, "i’m sorry.” you say “for,” you gesture out there.

“you’re fine.” she says “you’re stressed.”

“understatement.”

“i know.” lucy says “and i know you want a target, want someone you can go after. i know lord is an appealing target but,” she pauses “does it make sense?”

“it’s something he would do.” you say “to get something.”

“but there’s been no ransom call.” lucy say “only the call to you.”

the call about living and dying and a choice.

“maybe you’re right.” you relent “maybe it’s not him.”

“go over the phone call again with me.” lucy says, not giving you a moment to drown in the despair “what did they say?”

you take a breath, closing your eyes and bringing yourself back to the apartment, to that moment “they said we’d met before. recently.”

“okay,” lucy says and then “hold on.” she’s listening intently to the com in her ear and then turning to you “we’ve got the cctv footage back.”

“and?”

“you need to see it.”

“what does that mean?” you ask, worry spiking, fear gripping your chest.

you don’t run back out to the command centre, but you do move quickly. the footage is lined up, ready to be played. frozen on the screen is a grainy screencap of the street outside your apartment block. there are no cars, nothing.

"play it," you say, it's a command tinged with worry.

winn presses the spacebar and the footage rolls.

you feel lucy come up next to you, feel her hand on the small of your back.

you’re thankful for the contact, for being grounded.

on the screen you see a black van drive across, turn right into the alley parallel with your building. you see brake lights and then nothing. movement at the top of the screen but it’s almost just out of sight. you can’t make out what it is, or what’s happening –

“we can’t do much more with that,” winn says to you, gesturing to the top of the screen “but we’re trying to make it clearer.”

you nod, say nothing and keep watching.

on the screen, there is a movement, a scuffle. it's hard to make out with the useless angle of the camera but there's a flurry of movement and then –

kara.

she’s running, trying to run and for a moment she’s fully in the frame. you can see her, eyes wide and terrified. you see her putting a hand against the brick wall to stabalise herself but,

two black-clad figures step forward, grabbing her, hauling her back.

all that’s left of the footage is the truck driving away down the alley.

“have you tracked the truck?” lucy asks before you can.

“it goes into the tunnels,” winn says “the cameras down there haven’t been repaired in months.”

“so we have nothing.” you say, the image of kara’s face burned into you brain “still.”

“we’ve got a preliminary forensics report from ncpd,” vasquez says, walking up onto the platform “it’s barebones but tells us enough. they were professionals.” they say “no prints left behind. no fingerprints, no hairs, nothing. the lock on your front door was picked.”

“anything else?” you ask, desperate.

“forensics won’t have more for us for hours.” they say “sorry.”

you run a hand through your hair, trying to find some thread of stability to hold on to. there’s nothing, nothing you can do. nothing that can be done.

emotions threaten to overwhelm you.

“alex,” lucy says quickly as you turn to walk away “alex-“

“i just need a minute," you say, moving away from the command centre, towards your office. 

it’s a quiet space. a desk, a sofa, a locker full of food and a minifridge that’s the same.

you close the door behind you, locking it.

you just need a moment.

you feel so utterly helpless. so useless.

you sink into the desk chair and put your head in your hands. you want to call your mom. you don’t want to call your mom. you want to tell her what’s happened. you don’t want to be blamed for kara being taken.

you want them back.

you don’t want either of them to die.

you try to focus on steadying breaths, on reigning in your roiling emotions. instead, however, you're left with racing thoughts and shaking hands and –

there’s a gentle knock on the door.

“i just need a minute," you say, loud enough to be heard. 

the door opens anyway.

you look up, expecting to see lucy standing there. instead,, however, you see j’onn. he's as dressed down as you've ever seen him with black jeans, a denim button-down shirt and a hat you can only describe as a page boy cap. he looks good as if he was pulled from

“were you on a date?” you ask, voice cracking.

j’onn shakes his head, amused “no.” he says “blues club.” he says “they have an open mic with some good regulars.”

“you one of them?” you seize the momentary distraction.

j’onn takes a moment before he responds, sitting down across from you and letting out a breath “tell me what happened.” he says, tone changing, probing gently.

“j’onn,” you start, shaking your head “j’onn i don’t know. i went out, over to kara’s. i needed to feed streaky for her. maggie was at mine, looking after kara – keeping an eye on her. i was only gone half an hour, maybe a little bit more? but i,” you wring your hands together “when i got back-“ you look up at him again “the apartment was empty. just the blood. j’onn i don’t know where they are, i don’t know what happened to them. i-“ you force yourself to stop and take a breath.

you close your eyes and try desperately to compose yourself “whoever it was, they called me.” you say, not feeling any more in control of your emotions “they told me i have to pick who lives,” you explain “and who dies.”

you take a shuddering breath,

“we will find them.” j’onn says, and you know he’s breaking a fundamental rule of talking to victims of a crisis in promising to you that things will work out.

his confidence, his calm, it grounds you to the moment.

“okay.” you say, believing in him, “what are we doing?”

in the haze of your own emotions, the actual plans being undertaken have gone missed. you know of the failures, of how maggie and kara are not here, they are not safe. yet you are unaware of what the deo’s extensive resources are being used for.

your train of thought is interrupted by your computer lighting up.

you blink and look at the screen, horror swelling inside you as two words appear on the screen –

**decisions, decisions.**

and then there’s a cut. a cut to video footage.

you let out a soft yelp, watching with wide, frozen eyes as you register what you’re seeing. the footage being played out before you is of a concrete cell. one bed, no visible windows, and two occupants. you see maggie laid out on the bed, she’s bleeding, perhaps not even conscious.

next to her, curled on the floor, head resting on folded arms at the edge of the bed, is kara. you can see her shaking. you can see her lips moving, soft words that aren’t being broadcast.

j’onn is already calling winn in.

you don’t want to step aside as winn rushes in, but you allow yourself to be pulled. your gaze is transfixed on the screen. on maggie and kara. you watch as kara unfurls herself and with shaking arms brushes some of the hair from maggie’s face. you wonder if you actually see maggie blink, see maggie’s lips move as she murmurs some sort of response. you wonder if you’re just desperate.

winn is typing away, explaining how the stream is being bounced across fifteen countries, maybe more.

the footage cuts.

the screen is black.

your heart stops and another message is displayed.

**only one will live to see the morning.**

you shake your head, defiant, but wordless.

another message flashes, white words on a black background

**tick tock.**

the message lingers for a count of five seconds, then disappears and all that remains is your desktop.

“i’ll do what i can to trace it.” winn says, still typing furiously.

you can’t speak. you can’t begin to find the right words to describe what you’re feeling. you’re going to be sick you think.

“come with me.” j’onn says easily, standing, waiting for a response.

it takes you a beat but, you do.

you leave the quiet of your office and step back into the controlled chaos of the deo. you can see vas talking into their com whilst simultaneously tapping away on one of the computers. lucy appears by your side, her hand touching your bicep, squeezing lightly.

you know all is forgiven.

she follows you and j’onn away from the control centre, to somewhere quieter, a little darker. you realize j’onn is heading outside only when he presses a button in the wall and there’s a rush of cool night air washing over you.

stars shine bright in the sky, you see, on a distant horizon, the glow of national city. in the shadow of the deo base, you keel, hands coming to knees and the little that you had for lunch is splattered into the sand. your stomach heaves over and over and over again. tears well in your eyes.

lucy’s hand smooths up and down your back “let it out.” she murmurs “just let it out alex.”

not that you can stop it, even if you wanted to.

however, you appreciate her being here. you appreciate her presence and the hand that slides around your waist, helping you stand. j’onn procures a water bottle from somewhere and passes it to you.

you’re not sure you’ll be able to drink much without once again being sick, but “small sips.” j’onn coaxes.

you nod.

“i won’t pick.” you say quietly “i can’t-“ you start, you shake your head.

“it won’t come to that.” j’onn says.

“we’ll figure this out before then.” lucy echoes.

there’s a pause, a beat before,

“it may not make much of a difference,” j’onn says “but,” and you watch him transform. you watch him become his true self, a martian.

that’s when it clicks.

of course.

oh, of course.

“there are advantages to being a telepath.” j’onn says, closing his eyes “there are no guarantees but…” he trails off, exhaling.

lucy is standing by your side, a hand at the small of your back. you know she can feel you hoping, praying even, that this could be over soon.

silence reigns as seconds bleed into minutes.

finally, j’onn opens his eyes.

“anything?” you ask, trying not to sound desperate, but you are. you know you are.

“it’s difficult.” j’onn says “i felt her but,”

he pauses and your heart sinks, you stomach clenches “but?” you press, oh so aware of the past tense.

_felt._

"but the connection faded," he explains.

“what does that mean?” you ask, voice thin.

“more than likely, she’s unconscious.”

more than likely.

as in there is the possibility that she could be, -

no. you won’t go there. you can’t. the prospect of maggie dead, or kara gone forever – it sickens you. it would ruin you.

your thoughts must register on your face because lucy speaks to calm you “think about it,” she says gently “maggie probably fought them. she’s tough as nails alex, she wouldn’t just let kara, or herself, get taken without a fight.”

you know lucy is right.

“and the game is up if they kill her in the kidnapping.” lucy continues “they need her alive. so they probably drugged her.” she swallows hard “it’s how i would do it.” she says “these guys were professional, they know what they’re doing.”

those words should not be of comfort, professional abductors, yet they are. the confidence that those behind this event are competent and careful, that keeping maggie alive is of paramount importance to them fosters a paradoxical sense of comfort.

keeping her alive long enough for you to be forced to decide if she lives or if she dies.

it is a decision you will never make.

you know now that you'd sooner put a bullet in your brain than let either of them die. you wonder if that is an option. if your own death can be a replacement if it will provide the same sense of sadistic pleasure for those who hope to see you suffer.

“i will keep trying.” j’onn says “but until she’s conscious, i won’t be able to garner much useful information.”

"okay," you say quietly, the hope of minutes ago now gone. you run a hand through your hair “what else can we do?” you press “there’s got to be something we can do.” 

“we keep looking.” j’onn says “through everything from the past month.”

“maybe longer.” lucy says “they abduction was clean and quick. they’ve been inside the apartment, and they’ve probably done surveillance on maggie’s apartment, kara’s as well.”

lucy saying that kickstarts something in your brain, some part of you that had, until now, been overshadowed by fear and worry and shock. now though “we’re professionals.” you say “we don’t, we’re not in the business of abducting people but we have the resources too. what else would you do?” you ask lucy.

“lets talk about this inside.” lucy says “we can list everything out.”

“you two do that,” j’onn says “i will contact that ncpd and see what they can tell me about detective sawyers recent workload. any enemies she may have.”

you doubt this is connected to maggie’s work, but covering all the bases kills time.

“and you’ll keep trying to reach out to her?” you ask, knowing he will but needing the verbal reassurance.

“i will.” j’onn promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who dropped a comment or a kudo on the last chapter, your feedback is always the highlight of my day to receive.


	3. iii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you’re greeted by a familiar genderless voice _”agent danvers,”_ a sinister pause _”have you come to a decision?”_
> 
> "no.” is all you can reply ”i need more time.” 
> 
> the voice sounds disappointed they scold _”i told you how this works. you pick one to live and one to die._

reverse engineering an abduction is not how you thought your night would go. you were expecting to spend the night curled on the couch with maggie, watching booklyn nine-nine and dozing between checking on kara. instead you’re standing in lucy’s office, face to face with a whiteboard currently holding all the trackable, checkable details associated with orchestrating a kidnapping. working it this way, using both of your various expertise has at the least distracted you from the harsh reality of the situation. 

you’re exhausted on every level. at this point you’re only being fuelled by the panic induced by the impending sunrise and what will certainly come with it if maggie and kara aren’t safe in your arms by then. 

“it’s too much,” you say quietly, breaking the silence “there are too many leads. we don’t have enough time.” 

“alex,” lucy starts, but you shake your head and continue 

“between checking reports of stolen cars, all the rented cars matching the description of the van, hundreds of hours of surveillance footage from five different locations and nearly a dozen cameras,” you shake your head and despite the fact that you do feel as if there’s a chance the abductors slipped up, you’re just not sure there’s enough time in the night for you to find it. 

“we will find something.” lucy says, and you know she’s not one for relentless optimism, however in this situation, you need it. 

you need someone telling you that a way will be found and that – 

the door opens and j’onn strides “maggie is awake.” he says “only for short periods of time.” he continues “but any time i try to get near her, she panics.” 

“panics?” you ask, hearing lucy multitasking in both paying attention and hunting down car rental companies “what do you mean?”

“she feels me on the edge of her mind,” j’onn says “and she shuts me out.” 

“humans can do that?”

“not all of them can,” j’onn concedes “but maggie is one of those who can. i could keep pressing,” he says “but chances are it would be very painful and traumatic for her.” you swallow hard “or we can try something else.” 

“what is that?” 

“i can try to connect your mind, to hers.” 

you blink “is that even possible?” 

“possible.” j’onn nods “but dangerous.” 

“i don’t care about that,” you say “i’ll do it.” 

“it could kill you.” j’onn warns. 

“i don’t care.” you repeat “do you think she’ll, like, recognise me?” 

“i hope so.” j’onn says. 

“okay.” you nod “i, do we need to go back outside?” 

“no,” j’onn says “we did that last time to get you some air.” he admits. 

you appreciate it, but now is not the time “can we do it here?” 

“the med bay.” he says “i would like to have you connected to monitoring equipment.” 

you can tell by his voice that such precautions are not optional so you’re moving to the medical bay with a last nod at lucy. it’s clear she wants to come, but her presence is needed to chase down as many leads as possible and hope against hope that something pops. 

“this has to work.” you say quietly, “j’onn this has to work. we don’t have time for anything else.” 

“i know.” he agrees, walking beside you in the quiet halls, allowing you into the medical bay first. 

it takes two minutes to hook you up to the required equipment and during this, j’onn is explaining what he intends to try to do “it’s essentially a mind meld.” he says “i don’t know how to better explain it than that.” 

“but it could kill me.” you say. 

“i’ve never done this before.” he says “but i know those of my people who had.” 

“and did they live to tell about it?” 

“some did.” 

you appreciate his honesty. 

“do you still want to do this?” he asks. 

“i need to find them.” is all you can figure to reply. 

“close your eyes for me.” he says, and you hear him take a deep breath. 

what happens next is one of the most peculiar experiences of your life to date. you have your eyes closed and you’re focusing on your breathing, on the sounds of the nurse moving around the room when you feel a brush against the edge of your mind. you recognise the presence as j’onn, not that you can describe how you know – but you can tell so while everything tells you to open your eyes, to scramble away, you force yourself to take a deep breath and let him in. 

it’s uncomfortable, having him there. yet what you realise next is a third presence. 

maggie.

you know this is maggie. 

you feel j’onn’s presence fade, but maggie’s remains. 

you can’t speak to her, all you can do is reach out with as much calm and reassurance as you can. thinking over and over again 

_it’s me, it’s me, it’s me._

you can feel her resistance and you don’t blame her. you focus on coaxing her, on staying calm and then – 

the resistance is gone. 

it feels like you’re swimming, a wash of thoughts and memories pouring over you. 

five men. two distinctly from boston. one from eastern europe. one welsh and one american. these thoughts come to you like bullet points, scrambled pieces of a story you don’t know. 

professional gear. guns. handcuffs. zipties. 

guns. blood. their blood. her blood. 

a gun against maggie’s head. some kind of drug being injected into her. 

access to the service elevator in alex’s building. 

argument over following detour signs because of construction on the expressway. new car smell. smell of smoking. smell of axe body spray. 

trains. lots of trains. trucks too. a lot of noise. no windows. 

then you’re being ripped away. there is searing pain splitting you in two. you can’t imagine anything worse than this. it makes you want to scream and curl in on yourself. the connection you had is now gone and you’re left scrambling back to the safe confines of your own mind

it takes long, long seconds until you’re opening your eyes, gasping and panting and shaking. 

the world is blurring before you, the lights too bright and you slam your eyes shut again. 

“alex.” you hear j’onns voice, feel his touch on your arm “alex, breathe.” 

you do as told, focusing on taking shuddering breaths and trying not to think about the splitting headache pulsating in your skull. 

“there were five of them.” you say, forcing the words out “professional gear, three americans, one from eastern europe and one she thinks is welsh. you pause “that was really, really weird.” you tell him “i, they were driving a new car and they got on the expressway. where ever they are now, lots of sounds of trucks and trains.” 

all you can think about is the wordless, tangible fear you felt radiating from maggie. 

you take a deep breath and open your eyes. the lights have been dimmed, which help, but your head is still pounding “she’s scared, j’onn.” you say, shaking your head “i can tell, she’s terrified.” 

j’onn’s hand covers yours “you need to rest.” he says “i’ll go tell lucy the information, and we’ll start finding locations.” 

you would normally protest, but right now you’re feeling mildly woozy. sort of ill. so you stay put. 

you close your eyes and watch j’onn go. 

you watch the nurse return to her office, keeping an eye on you from a distance. 

you lay back in the bed, mind racing. 

you think of maggie’s fear. you think of what she showed you. you think of the last time you kissed her and how you need to kiss her again and again and again. 

your phone vibrates. 

you hadn’t even realised it was still in your pocket. 

you pull it out and see an incoming call from a blocked number. 

your heart stops, but you answer anyway 

“hello?” 

you’re greeted by a familiar genderless voice _”agent danvers,”_ a sinister pause _”have you come to a decision?”_

"no.” is all you can reply ”i need more time.” 

the voice sounds disappointed they scold _”i told you how this works. you pick one to live and one to die._

“why them?” you press, mind racing, head pounding “why does one of them have to die?” you barrelling towards something you realised in the early hours of this mess “would it be enough for me to die?” 

there is a pause and then, amused and cold _”why agent danvers, how noble. are you offering yourself in their place?”_

there is no hesitation in your reply, “yes.” 

_”oh good.” _the voice replies with a sort of twisted glee spiking the words _”i was hoping you would do that.”_ __

__your stomach drops, but you press on. this is how you can save them. this is how, without a doubt, you can save them._ _

__“how do you want me to do it?” you ask, offering yourself to them._ _

__*_ _

__you are still in the medical bay._ _

__you are still on the bed, where j’onn left you._ _

__you are still alive, for now._ _

__you have three hours let to live and you know the prospect of your impending death should scare you. yet all you can feel is a sense of relief,_ _

__maggie and kara will be home safe soon enough. they will have each other. they will be okay._ _

__you on the other hand, you have three hours to sort out an escape of the deo without raising any suspicion._ _

__*_ _

__you make your way around the command center after persuading the nurse that if your brain was going to explode it probably would have done it already. you’re not sure that’s scientifically true, but still – death by telepathic overload was not part of the deal._ _

__no._ _

__the deal is something else entirely._ _

__you’re hoping to make an escape wholly unnoticed, however you are keenly aware that you have a track record of going rogue in times of high emotion. thus, it’s not surprising when it’s vas who, with a granola bar in hand, appears, leaning against a doorframe. they look exhausted, more so than when you saw them hours before_ _

__“how’s your head?” they ask, deliberately casual you think._ _

__it’s aching and perhaps that can play to your advantage here “pounding.” you say honestly “just gonna go and get some air.”_ _

__“pull the other one.” vas says, still casual, but it’s clear you haven’t fooled them “where are you really going?”_ _

__you put your hands in your pockets “vas,” you start._ _

__they shake their head “i’m not going to let you do something stupid.” they say._ _

__“it’s not stupid.” you counter._ _

__“that is hardly convincing.” vas nods their head, gesturing for you to follow them into an empty side room. when they gauge your hesitation, they add “just, hear me out.”_ _

__you don’t want to, not in the slightest. but at this moment you don’t have much of a choice._ _

__the room has a collection of chairs and whiteboard along one wall. sometimes it serves as a classroom for new recruits, other times it’s storage. today it is meeting room._ _

__“let me help you.” vas says “whatever your plan is, let me help.” there’s a pause and they continue “i know you alex.” they say “you’ve got some sort of plan because if you didn’t you would be in the command center hounding us for leads, for cctv footage. anything and all of it. but instead, you’re heading for the door.”_ _

__they’ve got you there._ _

__“so let me help you.”_ _

__“or?”_ _

__“there is no or, alex.” vas says “i care. i care about you. this isn’t about you having saved me life, or me having saved yours. this is about you having a hairbrained plan and me wanting to give you some back up.”_ _

__“i don’t need back up.” you say “i-“ you swallow hard “i’ve made a deal.”_ _

__vas’ eyes widen “a deal.” they echo._ _

__“it’s not,” you start “it’s not that i don’t believe in the deo. i know, i know how good we are at our job. but this, these people have kara and maggie and i don’t think we can find them before these people decide it’s time for one of them to die. so i,” you swallow hard again “well, they seemed rather thrilled with the idea.”_ _

__“what idea?”_ _

__“my life, for theirs.”_ _

__there is little shock across vas’ face “i can’t say i’m surprised.”_ _

__“it’s the only way.” you say “we have a deal.”_ _

__“what even makes you think they’ll hold up their end of the bargain?”_ _

__it’s a reasonable counter, but “it’s what they wanted all along.” you explain “for me to give my life.”_ _

__“so they want you dead.”_ _

__“they’re not the only ones.”_ _

__“but you’re going to give them what they want?”_ _

__“if it means saving kara and maggie, of course.”_ _

__it’s always been this simple for you._ _

__vas runs a hand through their short-cropped hair “that’s a terrible idea.”_ _

__“i don’t care.” you say “we have no other options. i can’t sit here and hope these people made a mistake. i have a way to save maggie and kara. i have a way to protect them and i’m going to protect them.”_ _

__“i can’t just let you go and do this.” vas says._ _

__you know they can’t._ _

__“i’m leaving.” you tell them “i’m going to bay bridge.”_ _

__“is that where they told you to go?”_ _

__you nod._ _

__“did they tell you to jump?”_ _

__you shake your head._ _

__“what did they tell you to do?”_ _

__you shake your head again “i can’t tell you that.”_ _

__“alex.”_ _

__“vas, i have to go.”_ _

__“alex, i can’t – i – director.” vas’ gaze flickers to the doorway._ _

__lucy._ _

__you stiffen._ _

__“i’ve got this vas.” lucy says “agent night needs your help.”_ _

__vas blinks, surprised “of course director.” and they’re moving from the room._ _

__their departure leaves just you and lucy standing there, facing off._ _

__“lucy,” you start “you’re not stopping me.”_ _

__“if i was going to try and stop you, i would have done it already.” she says._ _

__a fair point._ _

__“so what do you want?”_ _

__lucy pulls a com from her pocket “wear this.” she says “please.”_ _

__“lucy…”_ _

__“alex, please.” she says “i know you don’t think we have enough time to find them but, but i think there’s a chance.”_ _

__“a chance isn’t enough.”_ _

__“that’s why i’m not trying to stop you. but i want you to wear this,” lucy says, once again holding out the com “so if we find them, i can tell you.”_ _

__“does j’onn know about this?”_ _

__“if you die,” lucy says “i’m probably going to lose my job.”_ _

__“i’m sorry.” you say “i don’t-“_ _

__“i know what i’m doing.” lucy says._ _

__“i have to go.” you say “i-“ you swallow hard “tell kara and maggie-“ you pause “just tell them i loved them.”_ _

__lucy nods “i’ll make sure they know.”_ _

__“and,” you pull two letters from your pocket. letters hastily written but heartfelt in their contents “make sure they get these.”_ _

__lucy pockets them and you look to the door._ _

__you have to go._ _

__you have to face your fate._ _

__“oh, and danvers,” lucy says, pulling your attention back to the moment “if you die and i’m stuck with _lois_ as a best friend i’m going to force kara to turn back time so i can kill you myself.” _ _

__that shouldn’t make you feel better,_ _

__but it does._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter to go y'all, wherein everything will be wrapped up and answered. 
> 
> thank you so much to everyone who has been leaving comments and kudos. i am going to start replying to the comments now. 
> 
> credit to lucy's last line in this chapter goes to bathtimefunduck.


	4. iv.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie. 
> 
> your heart stutters just thinking about her. 
> 
> she is the best thing that happened to you as of late. she brought you back to your humanity. she took you a step away from the wilds of your work and reminded you your life is worth living beyond the confines of your employment. 
> 
> you think about all the things she’s done for you, for you life. 
> 
> this is the least you can do for her.

above you, there’s a rumbling of traffic. the bay bridge is in nearly constant use, even in these early hours of the morning. however, the lesser known underbelly pedestrian bridge is empty. you’re walking, hands jammed into your pockets looking down at the river below. you’re think about the last time you faced your death along this river, about how kara saved you then. 

you’re saving her now. 

you’re saving maggie too. 

god, 

maggie. 

your heart stutters just thinking about her. 

she is the best thing that happened to you as of late. she brought you back to your humanity. she took you a step away from the wilds of your work and reminded you your life is worth living beyond the confines of your employment. 

you think about all the things she’s done for you, for you life. 

this is the least you can do for her. 

your gaze is caught on a post, a pink poster advertising some underground rock concert. it only catches your attention because it tells you where to stop. 

_”a support beam with a pink poster advertising the kickin’ lilies concert at the blowfish. you can wait there.”_

you look both ways along the path and see no one else, no hint of movement along the shadows. it does little to ease your nerves. 

inherently, you do not want to die. nor are you particularly invested in being named as some self-sacrificing hero. 

what you want most, really, 

is to kiss maggie again. you want to have her in your arms. 

you want another sisters night with kara with copious amounts of pizza and potstickers and cookies. 

you want a limitless future of small moments with kara and maggie, two of the most important people in your life. you are, instead, faced with a limited future of no moments. you are faced with the railing of the bridge pressing into your stomach as you lean forward, watching the river below. 

it’s inky black, reflecting the stars, the clouds, the moon. 

peaceful, almost. 

if not for your impending death. 

*

you stand there for an hour. 

it’s chilly, cold enough that you would prefer a jacket. thinking about that only sends you down a rabbit hole of what you’re about to lose. you try not to think about it as a lose, you’re doing the one thing you know can save the people you love – but making you stand here, waiting, is more than a little sadistic. 

it all comes to a head when you hear footsteps. 

a few have walked past you already, people clad in high vis and paint stained boots making their way to work sites. a couple of runners, headphones in and gaze focused on the path ahead. national city is starting to awaken. 

the footsteps that catch your attention are different – they are not the heavy treading of steel toed work boots. nor is it the steady, upbeat rhythm of a runner. 

instead, they are, strange. 

you start to turn, only to feel something cool press into your side, a gruff voice in your ear “turn around.” 

you feel the gun pressing just below your ribs and all your training is telling you to fight. your heart is telling you to stay still, to accept this bullet. 

the gruff voice speaks again, although this time not to you. 

“i’ve got her.” 

it’s only three words more but there’s a twang to his voice that heralds back to an east coast city. you wonder if he was one of the men who took maggie and kara. 

you wonder if he hurt them. 

you wonder how long you can control your temper as it flares. 

“we still have a deal?” you ask, feeling the man taking a step closer towards you. 

he’s nearly pressing himself against you. to anyone else you look like two people observing the sunset on the river. 

the man ignores you. 

you swallow hard, 

“i’ve done everything you asked. i’m unarmed. i’m alone. the least you could do is hold up your end of the deal.” 

the man laughs, and as he’s closer to you now, he smells like cheap cigarettes “i don’t have to do anything agent danvers.” he says “i’m the one with the gun. you’re in no position to make demands.” 

your heart drops. 

“you know,” he continues “your girlfriend was almost more than we bargained for.” he says “gave a couple of the guys some bruised ribs.” he laughs “don’t worry, we got our own back.” 

you’re angry, god you’re angry but all you can do is stand here and listen. 

“and your sister,” he says “well, your sister tried.” 

your mouth is dry. 

“but we put a stop to that.” 

“what did i do to you?” you ask through gritted teeth “how did i piss you off?” 

“i’m just hired muscle, agent.” 

great. 

the sun is rising now, the surface of the river shimmering and sparkling in the rays. it should be gorgeous, but all you can focus on is the change in the posture of the man behind you. the way you feel the gun shift from your ribs. 

“are you ready to die?” he asks, the gun pressing against the base of your skull. 

you don’t answer him. 

instead you close your eyes. you close your eyes and you think about kara. you think about the first time she came scrambling into your bed, shaking and terrified because of a thunderstorm. you remember holding her hand and taking her through the bird house at the zoo. you remember her wide eyes and the way she drew nothing but birds for weeks. you remember her saving your life, seeing her outside that window. 

you think of how proud you are to be her sister. 

it makes you ache, that you won’t get to tell her that one last time. just like you won’t be able to tell maggie how much you love her. or how you won’t be able to bring her coffee in bed, or watch her cook dinner or go to the youth center with her where she works with kids who need a role model who looks like them. 

god. 

you’re ready to give all that up, just so they will stay alive. 

you’ll do it now, you’d do it again. 

and again. 

and – 

you exhale. 

you hear the gun cock. 

you hear a voice in your ear. 

_“alex, we have them.”_

lucy. 

lucy’s voice. 

lucy’s voice again, more urgent now _”vas is seconds away. just fucking stay alive danvers. you hear me?”_

seconds away? 

that doesn’t make sense. that doesn’t track with how the plan was – 

you don’t even have to finish that thought because two things happen at once. 

first, you get shot. 

second, vas dressed as an inconspicuous jogger appears from nowhere and really, you have never been more appreciative to see them. 

you are aware of the fact that some part of you is bleeding. chances are, quite badly, but you’re not wholly paying attention to the specifics of your injury. at this point you’re trying focus on the grapple going on in front of you. the grapple involving vas with their knee in the spine of the man who had intentions to kill you. 

“alex,” they’re saying, panting and out of breath “alex, are you okay?” 

on some level, yes, you are because apparently maggie and kara are safe and alive. on another level though, you are bleeding substantially from your leg and it hurts more than you care to admit. 

“fine.” you grit, a lie considering you’re got your hand over the wound to apply pressure and blood is still seeping through your fingers “just keep a hold of him.” 

vas laughs wryly, nodding down at the swearing and subdued man “oh he’s not going anywhere. delta team will be here in forty-five seconds. you keep pressure on that.” they nod at your leg. 

you nod, gritting your teeth “did you follow me the whole way?” 

“of course.” vas shrugs “you thought we were gonna let you wander away into a death trap without supervision?” 

“you make me sound like a toddler.” 

“i’m not saying your idea wasn’t noble. i get it.” vas says “but consider this,” they continue “i like you alive.” you laugh, which distracts from the pain for a brief enough moment – and vas carries on “plus, without you making this deal, we wouldn’t have found them.”

you force yourself to stay standing, to keep pressure applied to the wound and to ask “what do you mean?” 

“what maggie told you, the sound of trucks and trains. it was late, somewhere that active had to be by a depot. there are a few different depots around national city accessible by the highway. but only one within the vicinity of bay bridge. we got eyes on bay bridge and kept an eye out for anyone who approached.” vas looks down at your near killer just as delta team arrives “knucklehead drove. we were able to trace his car back to the origin. turns out they were holding maggie and kara at a warehouse near the river port.”   
“agent danvers,” comes the nearest agent, rogers, pulling out a medical kit from a pocket “good to see you.” 

“appreciated.” you nod, watching as they wrap celox guaze around your thigh quickly “i can probably walk.” you say but agent rogers snorts.

“is there any point in telling you not to do that?” 

“no.” you say “i need, we need to get to kara and maggie, now.” 

_“easy danvers,”_ comes lucy’s voice in your ear _“if you’ve been hurt you need to get that looked at.”_

“lucy,” you near growl “are you just lurking there waiting to chim in. 

_”yes.”_ lucy says _”to prevent you from doing anything else as stupid as go and sacrifice yourself. maggie and kara are already en route to the deo. where you will meet them. do you read me?”_

“yes.” you says “fine. but i’m not waiting for an ambulance.” 

_”you can bleed all over one of the suvs.”_

“oh thank you for the permission.” 

with the gauze wrapped around your leg and agent rogers helping mostly carry you to the suv, it takes little energy for you to make the distance. however once you’re inside and seated, 

you’re exhausted. 

“fuck.” you mumble, watching agent rogers clamber in and close the door. 

“tell me if you think you’re going to pass out.” 

“you got it.” you say, sitting there “actually, can i,” you shake your head “nevermind.” instead you press the com in your ear, opening the line of communication “lucy, “ you say “lucy are they okay?” 

you hear a pause, a breath and then _“maggie’s unconscious, but kara’s awake. apparently maggie’s been in and out of consciousness since they were taken.”_

“and kara,” you press “is she okay? did they hurt her?”

_”she’s shaken.”_ lucy says _”but okay. what about you?”_

“well i’m not going to bleed to death.” you comment “so you’re stuck with me as a best friend.” 

_”good. you’re buying me many, many drinks to compensate for all this.”_

“maybe tomorrow.” you say “that okay with you?” 

you can hear lucy laugh _”yeah, danvers. tomorrow is fine.”_

you close your eyes “i need a nap.” you mumble. 

“uh-uh.” comes rogers from the drivers seat “no napping.” 

“i have been up all night.” you point out. 

“so have i.” rogers counters “no napping.” 

“fine.” you sigh “but i feel like shit.” 

“you have been shot.” 

“oh, i hadn’t noticed.” you sigh. 

*

you arrive at the desert base of the deo in record time. you feel even more like shit, headachey and pounding pain in your leg, but as rogers pulls into the garage you see another truck. this truck is surrounded by medical staff and agents and, 

“kara!” you’re shouting, limp running across the underground parking lot. 

kara, wrapped in a blanket and looking far smaller than you’ve ever seen her whips around as you shout her name. her eyes widen and she’s moving towards you, agents parting, allowing you to pull her into your arms. 

“alex,” she whimpers “alex.” she repeats, gripping at you. 

“i’ve got you.” you mumble, holding her close “i’ve got you. you’re safe.” 

“i’m so tired, alex.” kara says, staying close to you “i-“ she starts, stops and seems to notice your wound “are you okay?” she asks quickly. 

“i will be.” you say, because it’s true, you will be. right now your only concern is kara “lets get you inside, to a bed.”

“i need to see maggie.” kara says, “i –“ she fumbles for the words but is overwhelmed. 

“okay,” you promise her, leading kara towards the elevator “we’ll go to maggie.” 

you need to see her too. you need to see that she’s alive and safe.

maggie is in the medical bay. she’s laid out on a bed with staff surrounding her. you know they need space and time to do their work, so you limp with kara over to a bed “sit.” you say gently. 

“you’re the one who’s hurt.” she argues. 

“you were kidnapped.” you counter “sit.” 

“they didn’t touch me.” kara says quietly “not after they took us. alex, they, they just burst in. maggie tried to fight them but there were too many. i – i couldn’t do anything. they had a gun to her head. i just,” she’s shaking and it breaks your heart “they dragged us out of there.” 

you envision maggie on the ground with a gun to her heard. 

you envision kara small and terrified and forced to comply. 

you pull kara closer and look at maggie, surrounded by nurses and a doctor. 

one of them approaches you, “agent danvers,” the nurse starts “you’re bleeding.” 

“yeah.” you say, “i, uh, got shot.” 

kara gasps quietly but doesn’t leave your side. 

instead, you keep a hold of her hand and allow yourself to be manhandled onto the bed. 

kara’s hand comes to your hair, you know there are too many people around for her, you know that the nurse who wants to check kara over will not succeed because kara will not leave your side. not right now. 

*

it takes nearly an hour for the room to empty. 

for it to become just you and kara and maggie and a few of the nursing staff. 

kara breathes easier when everyone else is gone. 

she is sitting next to you on your bed, curled against your side asleep. she does not wake when the doors open with a hiss and j’onn walk in, flanked by vas. 

“hi.” you say, a little sheepish. 

“i’m glad to see you alive.” he says. 

“i would do it again.” you say, before j’onn has a chance to lecture you “you know that. 

“i do.” he nods “that doesn’t mean i like it. or approve.” 

“i had to save them.” you say “i had to.” 

“we’ll talk about it another day.” j’onn says, and you know he means it. you know in a week or so, away from the emotions of the moment, a conversation will be had. 

however that time is not now. 

“vas saved my life.” you say “they deserve a raise.” 

“i think that makes us even.” vas says. 

“how is maggie?” j’onn asks, looking over at her. 

“asleep.” you say “the team is flushing the drugs through her system. they think it was a sedative of some variety. we won’t know the specifics until the tests come back, but she should be okay.” 

“and you?” j’onn asks. 

“i’ll live to disobey orders another day.” 

j’onn just breaks a tired smile, he’s still dressed in his outfit from the jazz club “there’s a team replacing your front door now.” he says. 

“a team?” 

“lucy and a couple of the guys.” he explains. 

“oh no.” you groan, whatever door lucy has picked out for you can’t be anything good “is that my punishment for leaving?” 

“consider it so.” j’onn says “i will let you rest.” he says, “but i am,” he pauses “i am very glad you are all alive.” 

there’s something in his voice, an emotion you can’t quite register at this time. 

“i am sorry.” you say, after vas leaves and as j’onn is at the door. 

“for?” j’onn asks, turning to look at you. 

“being so willing to die for them.” 

“i don’t think that’s something to apologise for.” j’onn says “i was in your mind,” he reminds “i knew it was part of your plan.” 

“oh.” you say “and you let me go anyway.” 

“i did.” he says “i have faith in my team.” 

you look away “i tried to.” you say “but i, i don’t know.” 

“they had presented you with a sure fire way to maintain their safety.” j’onn says “no one can fault you for taking that path.” 

“i should know better.” 

“you’re only human.” j’onn says 

“yeah,” you sigh “i suppose i am.” 

“get some rest.” j’onn says “we will talk another time.” 

you nod, watching him leave and you close your eyes, pulling kara closer once again. 

*  
the next time you wake, the lights have dimmed and there’s a stirring coming from maggie’s bed. you hear the soft sounds of her whimpering and the pain in your leg hampers you from running across the room as fast as you wish to do. instead you limp to her bedside, kara still out for the count in your bed.

you get to maggie’s side, you see her twisted in the blankets and pale. 

“hey,” you say gently “hey, maggie. it’s okay. you’re safe.” 

you reach for her hand and keep talking “i’ve got you. they can’t hurt you anymore.” you promise, rubbing your thumb in small circles on the back of her hand. 

it takes long seconds for her eyes to flicker open, for her gaze to focus on you. 

“alex.” she croaks. 

“hey pretty lady.” you murmur. 

“what happened?” she asks, “i- i-,” she trails off “i don’t remember.” 

you lean down to press a kiss to her forehead “someone took you and kara. they drugged you.” you explain “you’re going to be okay. kara’s safe.” 

maggie closes her eye, grimacing “i remember pieces, i think. i remember you rescuing us.” 

you shake your head “i wasn’t there.” you tell her gently. 

she frowns “i remember you there. i could feel you. you saying over and over again ‘it’s me. it’s me.’” she’s confused, so assured in her memories of your presence. 

“j’onn found you,” you explain, using his telepathy. but you wouldn’t let him near you. so he did a mind meld.” 

“like star trek?” maggie asks. 

“yeah,” you grin “like start trek.” 

“my head hurts.” she says. 

“just keep sleeping.” you tell her “i’ll be here. kara will be here.” 

“i remember her telling me that you’d rescue us. she, she never stopped believing that.” 

“i would never have stopped trying to rescue you.” you tell her. 

there will be a time for you to explain what you were willing to sacrifice for them, but this morning is not that morning. 

this morning is not the morning for you to explain how close you came to death. 

this morning is the morning for you to kiss maggie gently, as gently as you can, on the lips. for you to murmur “i love you.” over and over again as tears well in your eyes and you cry into her chest. 

this morning is the morning for maggie to run her hand through your hair in slow laboured motions, promising that she’s alive, she’s alive, she’s alive.

they’re both alive, and so are you. 

no small miracle really, but miracle enough for the moment. 

*

you limp your way to lucy’s office. kara is asleep and maggie is currently writing up her statement for ncpd’s file. you know she feels bad. you know she doesn’t remember the past twelve hours in any great detail. which is why you’re on a mission. a mission to find some answers for her. 

you probably should have crutches, but your through and through gunshot to the leg is hardly the worst injury you’ve ever taken. painful, sure – but not worrying enough for you to actually listen to the nurses protest as you hauled yourself from bed. 

you feel bad, sort of, for disobeying her – but on top of wanting answers for maggie, you want answers for yourself. in the chaos of the safe retrieval and assessing wounds, the specifics of who had instigated this chaos and why, were lost on you. 

arriving at lucy’s office, you intend to remedy this. 

she doesn’t at all seem surprised to see you, sitting behind her desk and waving you in with a “hey there hop along. glad to see you obeying the doctors orders.” 

“i’ve got more important things to do.” you say, walking across the office and plopping down into the soft leather couch along the far wall. 

lucy’s office has taken to changing the longer she’s been co-director. it’s drifted away from the sterile set up of someone who didn’t intend to stay very long, and has morphed into a space with more creature comforts. not that lucy would admit it, but she’s not the only observant motherfucker in the building. she’s doesn’t have photos lining her desk or anything blatant like that, you’re not sure lucy’s realised yet that she has enough of a family surrounding her that she _could_ have photos line the desk, if she wanted. 

you make a note, for later, to ask james for a few photos. 

right now, you’re asking “what do we know?” 

and lucy is leaning back in her chair “his name is damien crowely.” 

you pull a face “i remember him.” you say “jackass billionaire.” 

“the very one.” lucy sighs “apparently he was,” she lingers over the wording “offended at your opinion that he shouldn’t be allowed to be involved in the illegal smuggling of aliens and alien tech.” 

you roll your eyes, but in the same moment you shudder because this is a man who you couldn’t arrested. for as much damning evidence as you had, as hard as you worked to dismantle is empire, he had connections better than yours. he had friends in higher places who protected him. 

and this is the result.

you nearly getting murdered, but worse – 

kara and maggie were put in harms way. 

which, is really no different than any other day of the week. yet in the same stroke, this situation is vastly different from their day to day. damien crowely hired a team of mercs to kidnap and kill them. 

all because you cut off his source of income. 

“alex,” lucy says, her voice cutting through your thoughts “you okay?” 

“he’s not getting away with this.” you tell her “he’s not-“ you start, but lucy’s already ahead of you. 

“he’s in ncpd custody.” she says “being charged with kidnapping and unlawful imprisonment, amongst many, many other things.” 

“but will they stick?” you press. 

lucy’s eyes light up “please,” she says “this is the kind of challenge i enjoy. fuckface billionare white boy thinks the world belongs to him? i can’t wait to take him down a few pegs.”

you raise an eyebrow.

“what?” lucy says “i’m working directly with the prosecutor on the case to make sure this guy gets the book thrown at him.” 

“i don’t think i’ve seen you this excited in a long time.” 

lucy shrugs “it may or may not having something to do with the prosecutor being attractive but…” she trails off, grinning and if you’re not mistaken, blushing ever so slightly. 

“leave it to you to turn my near-death experience into a dating opportunity.” you sigh. 

“if i didn’t take my chances every time someone nearly died, i would be single forever.” 

you snort “sure luce, sure.” 

*

you talk with lucy for another half an hour, just revelling in the fact that you are safe and maggie is safe and kara is safe – but soon enough you’re itching to check on them, and lucy has a pile of paperwork that will not complete itself. 

as you get back to the med bay, you see kara out of bed. you see her curled in a chair pulled up next to maggies bed. maggie is on her back, awake, listening. it reminds you of the footage you’d seen hours before, when you weren’t sure if their survival was in the cards. 

“hey you,” maggie says, her voice rough “kara’s just uh,” she pauses, glancing at kara. 

“i’m telling her about what happened.” kara supplies “when we were, taken.” 

“yeah,” maggie says “that.” she pauses again “i wish i remembered more of it.”

you move across the room, coming to stand next to kara with one hand on her shoulder, the hand tangled with maggies “maybe you will,” you say “as time goes on. memories can come back.” 

maggie lets out a long sigh, gripping your hand “is it true, what vas said?” 

“what did vas say?” you ask, unsure of when vas has come to see them. 

“that you were going to trade yourself.” kara says. 

you look away, you look down, then you look back at them both “yes.” you say firmly “it is.” 

“alex,” maggie sighs and her eyes are bright with tears “alex.” she repeats. 

“i would do it again.” you tell them both. 

kara squeezes your hand, she’s still depowered and exhausted and words are failing her in this moment. 

or rather, maybe it’s the fact that there is nothing that can be said, and maybe that’s okay. 

maybe all that matters is you’re all here and you’re all alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here we are folks, the end has come. 
> 
> i hope it has lived up to your expectations, so many of you left me wonderful comments and many more of you left me kudos - all of which are so immensely appreciated. 
> 
> every time i write something for supergirl i'm so certain it will be the last fic i put into the supergirl fandom, yet it doesn't seem to be the case. so, i will see you all the next time the angst-muse strikes.

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the party y'all. 
> 
> this story will be four chapters long - updated over the next few days. i have all chapters written and ready for posting. 
> 
> feel free to leave a comment or a kudo or come shout at me on tumblr at 4beit.
> 
> this would not exist if not race's enthusiasm and support for any and all supergirl angst i even consider writing.


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